Here are some things that many Conservatives get their panties in a wad about, but I couldn’t care less! And you thought I only picked on Liberals.

Gay marriage – This one is all over the news right now because of California’s recent decision to legally acknowledge same sex marriages. Can someone explain how this impacts me as a heterosexual? The truth is that it does not impact me whatsoever. Accordingly, I don’t give a rip. Do not confuse my apathy for tolerance! It is not that I am tolerant; I just don’t give a rip!
Since virtually half of all marriages in the U.S. (between opposite genders until now) end in divorce, maybe we can give the homosexuals a crack at it and see if they can do better. The simple truth is that many conservatives just wish that homosexuals would just go back inside the closet where they belong. That just isn’t happening. The way I figure it, this accommodation should eliminate at least a handful of Gay parades every year. Man, I never could understand why there always has to be a parade involved. Of course, all of this could give a big lift to that rainbow colored wedding dress and tuxedo business I have been thinking about.

Drugs – Yes, drugs are bad news and have ruined people’s lives, but why is it the role of the government to protect people from their own stupidity? I wore my seatbelt long before it became a law, but why is the government involved? The state of Florida rightfully decided a few years ago that forcing a motorcyclist to wear a helmet was not the role of government. About a year and a half ago, I calmly searched for a pulse on some Harley dude that had just splattered his head on the pavement in a hit and run accident. He was not wearing a helmet and there is no doubt that had he been wearing one he would have been able to remember his own name when they did a special about him on the local news about a month later. Poor guy….had only the government protected him and forced him to wear a helmet. It is all the government's fault. Okay, all sarcasm aside (for a change), I really feel sorry for this guy, but I still don’t believe it is the role of the government to protect him or any other adult from making bad decisions that directly impact only themselves. I feel the same way about people putting drugs in their body. It is just a guess, but I am willing to guess that most drug related deaths are from gang related shootings protecting drug turfs that would otherwise not exist if drugs were legal. So how is that big war on drugs going anyway? Did we win? Just like prohibition made Al Capone and many other gangsters, the war on drugs is doing the same thing to a whole new, albeit more diverse, group of thugs.

Burning the American Flag – First of all, don’t question my patriotism. I love this country. When I was in college, the flag burning issue was in the media big time. I developed a friendship with a classmate who fought in Vietnam and was going back to college. He gave me a t-shirt with a picture of the American Flag on the front with a caption below that said, “Try burning this one.” Fortunately, no one ever tried and I wore that shirt a lot. Of course, I was much bigger in the chest in those days, but there is always someone with more game. The simple truth is that Americans didn’t die for a flag. They died for the freedom that is symbolized by the flag. In fact, they died for someone else’s right to burn the flag. Don’t get me wrong. I think flag burners are punks, pinheads, and losers, which is why many conservatives want to outlaw flag burning. If I were a police officer and close by as a flag burner got beat to a bloody pulp, it would take me a few minutes to radio for backup and then I just might not be able to catch that assailant as he fled. “That guy sure was fast Sergeant. I tried my best…” as they are loading the flag burner in the ambulance. Gee – I sure hope he has insurance or the government will have to step up and care for this poor guy. Again, most conservatives would be the first in line to support an anti flag burning law. You can’t have it both ways folks. Never mind the technical definition of exactly what is defined as an American flag. What about those sexy little flag outfits those cute babes wear? It that a “flag?” I am sure the government would do a very good job at defining exactly what a flag is or isn’t. Take it easy folks, the constitution applies to everyone (even terrorists according to the U.S. Supreme Court – don’t get me going on that one).